


Heartbreak

by orphan_account



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Depression, F/M, Regrets, Suicidal Thoughts, also more nice drew, and clarisse being a good friend, even if its depressed silena, oh yeah and according to the books I was spelling her name wrong the entire time? Oh well., silena cries a lot, suicide (sort of), the world needs more silena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-16 16:25:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8109364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Love leads to heartbreak.Heartbreak leads to depression.Depression leads to suicide.Suicide leads to thoughts.
- Silena -





	1. Love leads to heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based off two things:  
> \- Silena coping (not very well) with the death Beckendorf  
> \- A depressing quote I found, which is the summary and the names for the titles. Because all I can write is depressing stuff.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Percy Jackson does not belong to me because it would probably be even more heartbreaking, and everyone would have killed themselves a billion times. Sorry. And the quotes doesn't belong to me. I just saw it on google images and was inspired to write this. Double sorry.
> 
> IMPORTANT: If you, or anyone you know, feel(s) depressed or suicidal, or if they/you have an eating disorder or self-harm, DO NOT IGNORE IT. Please, please, please, SEEK HELP. There are people out there who care for you and love you and value you, no matter what you think. And they would be heartbroken if you're gone. And I know you've probably heard this countless times, etc, etc, it doesn't even have meaning, but please for your sake and others, don't live like this.
> 
> Remember - every cloud has a silver lining.
> 
> Love all of you.

Long blonde hair slipped between my fingers like silk as I twisted each strand of hair carefully over the others in a delicate and complex braid. Others called it wasting time, but I knew it was important to talk to and listen to each of my half-siblings in my cabin.

For example, Lacy. The small daughter of Aphrodite sat on my lap as I braided her golden hair. We were at the edge of the canoe lake, the sun warming our backs. Lacy had only arrived at Camp Half-Blood a few days ago, and I hadn’t had much time to speak to her since then. The kid was so adorable, it was no wonder Aphrodite wanted to claim her almost immediately. I wanted to get to know her better, too. It was rare for a kid so young to arrive at Camp. The last would have been Annabeth, who had made her way to the Camp when she was only seven. Lacy was eight.

“So, how’s camp?” I asked softly.

I could almost feel her bright smile. “It’s great! Everyone’s so nice!”

“And you feel like you’re fitting in?” I asked, tying her hair back.

“Yup.” She said, popping the 'p'. “And thank you for doing my hair. You’re the best Selina!”

I smiled at the compliment. “Thanks, Lacy.”

Although, like most Aphrodite kids, I was complimented and told I was pretty frequently, it was always a nice feeling to be appreciated.

“How about you?” Lacy asked after a few moments of peaceful silence.

“Huh?” I asked.

“How are you going?” Lacy asked, twisting on my lap to look into my eyes. Her sky-blue eyes sparkled as she smiled at me.

“I’m okay.” I said. “I’m a little worried… Charlie and Percy should be back by now… the mission to blow up the Princess Andromeda can’t take that long, can it? But I’m sure it’ll all be fine. And I have a great boyfriend, a great home at camp, and a great new little sister.”

I poked her ribs, making her erupt into giggles, swatting gently at my hand. I kept tickling her, though, until I heard a voice call out my name. My hands dropped to my side and I turned my head and saw one of my half-sisters, Drew, running towards us.

Drew was my second-in-command, and one of my best friends in Camp. She’d been the one to stand up for me when I first became head of the Aphrodite cabin and, although I suspected her gift of charmspeak had something to do with it, helped me become accepted among my siblings, and the other campers. I had no idea where I’d be without her.

She stopped by our side, cheeks flushed pink from running. Although she wasn’t big on makeup, she wasn’t the most active camper, and it looked like she had sprinted from where ever she had been to see me. Her long, glossy black hair was a mess, too. She combed it through with one hand as she spoke between gasps of air. “Lacy, Selina… good news… Percy’s back… dining pavilion…”

“They’re back?” I almost pushed Lacy off my lap in excitement.

“Yeah.” Drew puffed. “Come on!”

Lacy jumped off my lap and I climbed to my feet, breaking into a run almost the moment I was standing upright. Percy and Charlie were back. They had made it at last. I ran up towards the dining pavilion. There was already a crowd of people, all pushing closer towards the centre, where Percy and Charlie must be.

Reaching the edge of the mass of campers, I pushed through, not caring I didn’t have make-up on, and my hair was probably messy from my run across camp. It wasn’t like me, but I just wanted to see Charlie. I managed the push my way through the crowd. Percy was standing in a small circle in the middle of the crowd. I looked around, but I couldn’t see Charlie anywhere.

“Where’s Charlie?” I asked, still looking. I looked over at Percy in time to see him glance at Chiron.

The old centaur cleared his throat. “Selina, my dear, let’s talk about this at the Big House-”

“No,” I muttered, freezing up. My stomach turned to mush as I realised something that I hadn’t even thought could happen. He- my boyfriend- my Charlie… he wasn’t coming back. “No. No.”

I felt tears leaking out the corners of my eyes, tears that became a full of torrent of sobs as I broke down crying in the middle of the circle of people. They all stood in shocked silence. I couldn’t do anything. I just kept crying and crying until I felt a soft hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Clarisse, the head of the Ares Cabin, and one of my best friends. Her brown eyes looked into mine gently. She knew what I was going through. Chris, her boyfriend, had betrayed camp for Kronos, before going crazy in the Labyrinth.

“Come on, girl.” She said quietly and kindly, in a tone of voice that was rare from a child of Ares. “Let’s get to the Big House. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

I nodded, and allowed myself to be led off, but I was numb with shock, tears still spilling down my cheeks. Charlie was dead. He wasn't coming back. My Charlie was gone. Without love, what good was a daughter of Aphrodite?

Alone, lost, heartbroken. What would my mother think of me? What would she say? That she’s sorry? That this always happens to love? That, in the end, love leads to heartbreak?


	2. Heartbreak leads to Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More depressed Silena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said last chapter: these characters aren't mine. And if you feel depressed, or anything similar, please seek help.
> 
> NOTE: I realised I spelt her name wrong, but now I'm too lazy to change it, sorry.

I stared blankly down at the ping pong table in front of me, hands clenching a mug of hot chocolate that had long since gone cold. Around me, other head counsellors were murmuring, whispering and shouting alike, but I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention.

The opening of the door made me glance up briefly. Percy, Annabeth and Chiron were standing there, faces grim. Clarisse didn’t stop yelling at the head counsellor for the Apollo Cabin, Michael Yew, however. And the son of Apollo didn’t stop either. I felt, rather than saw, Percy’s eyes linger on me, and I braced myself in case he was going to tell me something such as ‘you should go and rest’ or ‘you don’t need to be here, another camper can go in your place’.

But then he turned his attention back to Clarisse and Michael and yelled, “STOP IT! What are you guys doing?”

They both froze, then Clarisse snarled. “Telling Michael not to be a selfish jerk.”

Michael’s tone was sarcastic. “Oh, that’s perfect, coming from you.”

“The only reason I’m here is to support Selina!” Clarisse yelled. I flinched when I heard my name, but no one seemed to notice, and Clarisse kept yelling. “Otherwise I’d be back in my cabin.”

“What are you talking about?” Percy asked loudly.

Pollux glanced around, then cleared his throat. “Clarisse has refused to speak to any of us, until her, um, issue is resolved. She hasn’t spoken for three days.”

“It’s been wonderful.” Travis put in wistfully.

“What issue?” Percy asked.

Clarisse shot Travis a glare, but instead turned to Chiron. “You’re in charge, right? Does my cabin get what we want or not?”

Chiron shuffled his hooves and let out a heavy breath. “My dear, as I’ve already explained, Michael is correct. Apollo’s cabin has the best claim. Besides, we have more important matters-”

“Sure.” Clarisse interrupted. “Always more important matters than what Ares needs. We’re just supposed to show up and fight when you need us and not complain!”

I let my gaze drop back to the ping pong table again. Chiron was right, there were more important matters. Charlie had died, and it was all my fault. Around my wrist, the silver bracelet gleamed. Was Luke – was Kronos – listening now? I refused to think about it. What had they told me when they got the information about the Princess Andromeda? 'I was saving lives. Fewer people would be hurt.' Was that right? Charlie was dead. Was that my fault? It couldn't be anyone else's.

Vaguely, I was aware of the others talking. I glanced up. Clarisse wasn’t beside me anymore. In fact, she wasn’t even in the room. Suddenly everything went quiet and Percy cleared his throat.

“A half-blood of the eldest dogs…”

Annabeth interrupted the son of Poseidon. “Er, Percy? That’s gods. Not dogs.”

“Oh, right.” He said, then continued.

“A half-blood of the eldest gods, shall reach sixteen against all odds…”

He hesitated, eyes scanning the page, then opened his mouth and forced himself to read on.

“And see the world in endless sleep, the hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap.”

He stopped and the silence grew heavier and heavier until Chiron broke it gently. “Percy. Read the rest.”

“A single choice shall…”

Percy stopped again, then stumbled over the next words.

“Shall end his days. Olympus to per- pursue-”

“Preserve.” Annabeth interrupted. “It means ‘to save’.”

“I know what it means.” Percy grumbled, then retried the last line. “Olympus to preserve or raze.”

The room was silent again. Finally, Conner said nervously, “Raise is good, isn’t it?”

“Not raise.” I said softly. My voice felt hollow and empty. “R-a-z-e means ‘destroy’.”

“Obliterate.” Annabeth expanded. “Annihilate. Turn to rubble.”

“Got it, thanks.” Percy said.

I felt my throat clamp. This meant, if Percy didn’t save Olympus, everyone would die. Olympus would be destroyed. See the world in endless sleep… sleep and death… if Kronos killed everyone. Then it would be all my fault.

Don’t think about it. Ignore the problem and it will go away. But… Charlie’s memory won’t go away. That was my fault, right? Don’t think, don’t think. I don’t need to think about the charm right now. I lifted my head and listened to the conversation again.  
Percy was talking about how Kronos had known they were coming, how he’d been shown a silver scythe pendant that the Titan lord had used to communicate to someone at camp.

It was my fault. It was all my fault. I felt tears leak down my face again, and I began to sob and shake uncontrollably. Around me, everyone started arguing, about who the spy may be. But it was my fault. It was my fault, because I was the spy, and now Charlie was dead. My boyfriend was dead.

I couldn’t take their yelling anymore. I banged the table with my fist so hard that my hot chocolate spilled and trickled down my hands and onto the table. But I didn’t care. “Stop it! Charlie’s dead and… and you’re all arguing like little kids!”

Charlie’s dead and… and it’s all my fault. I began to sob again, burying my head in my hands.

It took all my effort not to collapse into a complete mess and admit everything. But Kronos had killed Charlie, because of me… what if I did something wrong and he killed more people? What if that was why he had attacked everything… because of me?

I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Finally, the meeting was over, and by that time I had cried myself out, and I just felt completely empty.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, it was Charlie’s funeral. In the afternoon, we gathered around the campfire. Charlie’s shroud was empty, there had been no way to find his body. The shroud itself was beautiful, made out of thin metal links that formed an almost elegant cloak.  
I watched the metal links melt slowly into a golden-red hue, and the smoke floated away, along with the campers who slowly trickled off. Finally it was just me, Clarisse and her boyfriend, Chris. And opposite us, Percy.

I could feel tears running down my cheeks, trickling off my face and into my lap, but I just felt empty. I felt sad, but not enough to cry. It was as if my brain had been cloaked in a heavy mist and everything was so confusing and empty and meaningless. All I could do was cry, but I was starting to wonder why I was still so, so sad.

After several minutes, when the fire had died down to orange embers, Percy walked over to us. He stood a few feet away and said. “Hey, Selina, I’m really sorry.”

I sniffled. It wasn’t his fault. It was mine. But I didn’t trust my voice to speak. And who would believe me anyway? Clarisse and Chris stayed quiet on either side of me.

After a few moments, Percy cleared his throat and continued. “Selina, you know Beckendorf carried your picture. He looked at it right before we went into battle. You meant a lot to him. You made the last year the best of his life.”

I let out another sob as a new wave of agony washed over me. It was my fault. It was my fault that he died. I made him happy, then I killed him.

I heard Clarisse mutter bitterly. “Good work, Percy.”

I took a shaky breath, wiping my eyes. It wasn’t Percy. He was just trying to make me feel better. He didn’t know that I was… that Kronos… I looked up into his sea-green eyes and smiled tearily. “No, it’s all right. Thank… thank you, Percy. I should go.”

I stood up.

“You want company?” Clarisse asked.

My throat closed up and I couldn’t reply with words, so I just shook my head and ran off. Would I ever be happy? Would I ever be able to stop crying? It was all just so awful. Did heartbreak need to lead to so much sadness?


	3. Depression Leads to Being Suicidal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, it took way more time to get myself in front of the keyboard than it should have. And these chapter lengths are way to inconsistent. Oh well.

I stared blankly down at the box of chocolates in my lap. My father had sent them to me, among other gifts. But the chocolate felt like cardboard in my mouth. It all felt so fake. I knew he thought I wasn’t coping well. Because, well, I wasn’t coping well, and everyone at camp knew it.

That’s the thing with being a child of Aphrodite. You find true love quicker than many people, but if you lose it, then it destroys you. Drew had taken over most of the responsibilities of Head Counsellor in an unspoken agreement. I just couldn’t function properly, no matter what I told myself and others.

The pale walls of the empty Aphrodite Cabin were dappled with light from the windows, patterns of light and shadows dancing on the surface. I remembered that I used to notice the small details like that with joy, it used to be something beautiful, like love.

Now all I felt was empty. What was the point of a daughter of Aphrodite without love? Why was I still here? I shoved the chocolates off my lap and let them fall to the floor. Normally, I hated the mess that others left in the cabin. But I just couldn’t be bothered.

I went back to staring at the light and shade that decorated the walls, my thoughts slowing. Suddenly, knuckles rapped hard on the door. My head jolted up as the door swung open noiselessly. Clarisse came into the cabin, smiling. But it was forced.

“Hey Selina.” She said. “How you holding up?”

“I’m…” I took a deep breath. “I’m okay.”

She closed the door behind her and walked over to my bed, sitting beside me.

“Uh, made a bit of a mess, huh?” She said, looking down at the chocolates on the floor.

“Oh… yeah.” I said. “I should, um, probably clean that up.”

“No hurry.” Clarisse said. “You need your time.”

“How much time do I need?” I asked bitterly. “It’s been three days… and there’s a war coming up. I should be ready. I should be helping. Why am I still here? Still- I just-”

“Calm down, girl.” Clarisse said, putting a hand on my shoulder somewhat awkwardly. “You’re a child of Aphrodite, you need your time.”

“What about you?” I asked slowly.

“What do you mean?” Clarisse frowned.

“I mean, you’re helping get ready for the war, right?” I said quietly. “You- you’re going to help, right?”

“Selina. I- the Apollo Cabin- flying chariot- if my cabin could just-” Clarisse stumbled to explain.

“Right.” I cut through her explanation. “Okay.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Clarisse said. “I know you want to avenge Beckendorf, but I have to think of my cabin, too.”

I felt hot tears pricking at the edge of my vision. “No, you don’t understand! This is all my fault. You need to- to help! Otherwise we don’t   
have a chance!”

My desperate pleading turned to raking sobs. Clarisse let out a muttered curse and wrapped an arm around me comfortingly. I shook my head, and tried to pull away. No one understood – and I couldn’t tell them. But I had to try and fix this.

“Clarisse.” I chocked out. “Listen. This is- this is all my fault. I- he died because I-”

“You need to stop blaming yourself.” Clarisse said firmly. “There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

“No, it was because of me.” I stuttered. “B-because I-”

“Selina!” The door slammed open, and Annabeth and Drew rushed into the room.

“Oh, uh, are we interrupting something?” Drew faltered, staring at me with wide eyes.

“No, no, it’s fine.” I said. “We were just- uh, what did you want to say?”

“We’ve had a message from Percy.” Annabeth interrupted. “He wants us to gather an army in New York.”

Clarisse snorted, but I leaned forwards, maybe if Clarisse found out what was happening, she could help. “When?”

“As soon as possible.” Annabeth said. “You- are you going to be okay coming?”

“I can lead if you want…” Drew offered.

“No.” I said determinedly. “I can do this. I have to do this. For Charlie. Right, Clarisse?”

Clarisse didn’t answer.

“R-right?” I asked again, faltering.

“Selina, the Apollo Cabin-”

“Is all you care about this stupid fight?” I asked. “If you aren’t going to help, then I… I- I- let’s just go, Annabeth.”

I turned away from Clarisse, pushed past Drew and Annabeth and walked outside. Now was my chance to fix this mess I had gotten everyone into.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

My eyes were hearting from crying so much. I hadn’t thought it was possible to cry so much, but feel so empty at the same time. I sniffed, holding back a sob, and pressed the wet cloth to Annabeth’s forehead again.

She was lying on a lounge chair, beads of sweat running down her face. Her skin was burning hot under my hands, and she was hardly   
conscious. Beside me, Percy was kneeling next to Annabeth, clutching her hand like a life-force.

How could this have happened? It was all my fault. That son of Nemesis, the one with the poison dagger, who had stabbed Annabeth, had been searching for Percy’s Achilles’s heel. His one weakness. Which he knew of because I was the spy.

“This is all my fault.” I murmured.

Annabeth’s stormy eyes looked up at me kindly. “No, Selina, how is it your fault?”

Because I’m the spy, I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her everything, looking into her eyes. She didn’t know. But she was so good. So kind. So wise. But I wasn’t able to tell. I couldn’t, on a fate worse than death. Not that I feared death anymore, anyways.

“I’ve never been any good at camp,” I murmured instead. “Not like you or Percy. If I were a better fighter…”

Not just physically. If I had been strong enough to say no to Luke in the first place, the way Percy and Annabeth had. If I had fought back, tried to be a better person, maybe I could have been.

“You’re a great camper,” Percy said, smiling at me with the same kindness everyone looked at me with now. “You’re the best Pegasus rider we have. And you get along with people. Believe me, anyone who can make friends with Clarisse has talent.”

His words echoed dimly through my skull, bouncing around as if trying to confuse me. Best Pegasus rider… get along with people… friends with Clarisse… talent… Suddenly my heart sped up. Maybe I could still fix this. I could still save everyone. There was still a chance.

“That’s it!” I said, pouring the words out of my mouth like a fountain. “We need the Ares Cabin. I can talk to Clarisse. I know I can make it back to Camp. Let me try.”

“Whoa, Selina.” Percy said, eyes wide. “Even if you could get off the island, Clarisse is pretty stubborn. Once she gets angry-”

“Please.” I said desperately. “I can take a Pegasus. I know I can make it back to camp. Let me try.”

And if I’m away from everyone, Kronos can’t get any more information about what we’re doing.

Annabeth and Percy looked at each other. Annabeth nodded slightly. Percy looked uncertain, but finally he sighed.

“All right.” He said. “I can’t think of anybody better to try.”

With a wave of relief, I flung my arms around Percy. Not uncommon for a child of Aphrodite, but I felt suddenly awkward, making Annabeth watch this while dying. Awkwardly, I pulled away, glancing at the daughter of Athena. “Um – sorry. Thank you, Percy! I won’t let you down!”

Again, I added silently, standing up. Never again.


	4. Being Suicidal Leads to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I finally reached the end.  
> WARNING - sort of thoughts of suicide. I mean, she choses to die, I guess, but I don't know...
> 
> Anyway, I still don't own this series, as you should all know. I mean... it would be amazing if I did, but everything would be too heartbreaking because I'm too depressing for my own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, the final chapter, if anyone still cares at this point. Has it been actual months since I last posted the third chapter? Oh my god...
> 
> I guess that tells you a lot about me.
> 
> Anyway, if you're still reading this - thanks! Please tell me what you think, I beg of you.
> 
> Also, why does each chapter keep getting longer? Oh well. I can't write consistently to save my life... okay, that's probably untrue, but whatever. Enjoy, if it isn't sad or boring or something?

“Clarisse, please!” I felt tears well in my eyes again. “You need to come to Manhattan!”

“I don’t need to do anything.” Clarisse snapped, shrugging my hand off her shoulder.

“They’ll lose the war without you.” I insisted. “Please, we need the Ares cabin.”

“Then they should have let me have the flying chariot sooner.” Clarisse snapped. “It’s their fault this is happening.”

“It’s not their fault!” I insisted. It’s mine. “They need you. If you don’t fight with them, they’ll lose. Then Kronos will invade Camp Half-Blood and destroy you all anyway!”

Clarisse scoffed, but her eyes looked a little uncertain. I felt the tears spilling down my cheeks.

“You need to help them!” I cried.

“No I don’t, Selina!” Clarisse yelled. “I don’t have to do anything, so give it up. Percy doesn’t need my help.”

My hands shook as I crossed my arms, ignoring the tears running down my cheeks. “Then they’ll all die.”

Without waiting for a response, I turned and ran towards the forest. I saw a few campers, the children of Ares because there was no one else left here, staring as I dashed past, but I just wiped my eyes and ran faster. Once I felt lost within the trees, I let the tears run freely down my cheeks, and the sobs rake through my body. I was shivering from the tears, but I didn’t care. It was all so pointless, if we were all going to die.

If the Ares Cabin wasn’t coming, then we’ll all die. So I may as well give up. Before anyone else can get hurt by me. If only it could all just end before anyone had died in the first place.

How did this happen?

How did I end up here, crying, alone and heartbroken in the middle of the forest in the middle of a war?

Was there nothing I could do?

If we’re all going to die anyway, then why bother trying. Maybe I should just give up. If there was nothing else left, then there was no point continuing to try. There was no point living if I was just going to die. I may as well just die.

If only there was something I could do to stop it all.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(

The armour was heavy and hot and too big for me. Clarisse was so strong, to be able to wear this clunky structure into battle. I could hardly lift the sword in my arms. At least the Pegasi harnessed to my chariot were staying obedient and attentive. Behind me, I could hear hoof-steps and chariot wheels, but I didn’t stop to turn around.

I wasn’t sure if the Ares Cabin was following me to join the war, or to stop me from returning to Manhattan. I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out. This was my last attempt at saving everyone. If this failed, then there was nothing else left.

But I had to try.

After hours of blazing sun and unchanging scenery, the skyline of New York City finally rose above the horizon, towering skyscrapers, and a feel of dread and chaos. Unmoving cars and slumbering people littered the streets. Behind me, I heard the war cries of the Ares Cabin, rejoicing at their journey in the melting sun being nearly over. We reached the city itself, and the dread and chaos lay thicker and thicker over my head.

I was doubting myself now. I was leading these campers into danger, if they died it would be my fault. I was so thoughtless. How could I do this to my friend’s siblings? For a moment, I slowed and was tempted to turn back, to lead them away from danger.

But then I thought of Clarisse. What would she do in this situation? Would she turn back now, when the real danger was approaching? No, she would face it head on like a true daughter of the war god. And Charlie, what would he think? What would he do? He would never turn back. He had given his life to save Camp Half-Blood, and I was not about to let him waste his life on a war we would lose. Taking a deep breath, I spurred the horses on even faster. I had to keep going. For Clarisse, for Charlie, for Percy and Annabeth, and everyone I knew.

I didn’t let myself hesitate as I led the Ares Cabin through the city and towards the island of Manhattan. All along the streets I could see monsters swarming, but the harsh clatter of hoof steps against the road, along with the cries of the Ares Cabin scared them out of my way.

I led the campers through the city, starting to circle around the river, trying to reach an intact bridge. Some were swarming with too many monsters, and others were completely destroyed. I finally reached an intact bridge clear of monsters. Instead, a dozen young girls with bows were perched along the sides, and standing in guard on either end. The Hunters of Artemis.

Without pausing to explain who I was, or what I was doing, I charged through the room, sending the girls scattering to either side. I shouted a sorry as I passed, regretting nearly harming the Hunters of Artemis. A few of them yelled out in anger and shock, and a few arrows whistled through the air towards me, before a girl yelled, “Wait! Stop! It’s the Ares Cabin!”

The Hunters yelled out cheering the campers behind me on, and the clatter of hooves, and thunder of chariot wheels grew louder behind me. In a split second, I mapped the most direct path to where I had last seen Percy and Annabeth, but before I could even begin to lead the campers there, a thundering roar shook the city.

My head jerked up in shock as I tried to find the source of the noise. Another roar, just as loud as the last, and the sound of something heavy ramming full-force into a building, and I pinpointed the noise, somewhere ahead of me and to the left. Behind me, the children of Ares yelled at me, still thinking I was Clarisse, asking which way to go. For a moment, I stopped. Did I want to lead these campers right into the middle of danger? Clarisse would do so without hesitation if she were in my place.

But I didn’t want more blood on my hands. This was all my fault already, I couldn’t stand it if my best friend’s siblings died, too. Another roar, and I forced myself to continue. If any campers could win a war, the Ares campers could. With a battle cry of my own, I charged forwards, trying to clear monsters out of my way as I charged straight into the heart of the battle.

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We were still far away from the battle when I first caught sight of the monster and I and all the other Ares Campers froze. The monster was a drakon – a fifty metre long serpent with paralysing yellow eyes. There was no way I beat this. I could hardly hold my own in practise fights at camp, let along tackling a full grown drakon.

How could I have been so stupid as to have led the whole Ares cabin here to die? Behind me, I heard the Ares Campers murmur. Whether it was from fear of the drakon, or shock that I had stopped, after all, they still thought I was Clarisse.

Either way, this whole idea had been a mistake. I was so stupid, how could I have let this happen to everyone? Suddenly, I saw the drakon whirl around and a figure went flying off into the air, long blonde hair streaming behind her. There were only two people brave enough to ride a drakon like that.

Clarisse and Annabeth.

And no matter what, I couldn’t let my friends get hurt even more because of me. I took a deep breath, and spurred my horses forwards, yelling, “Ares cabin, let’s go!”

I erupted onto the battle field yelling, “ARES!”

Behind me, the cry was followed by Ares campers, and it echoed off the buildings, resonating menacingly through the city. I lifted Clarisse’s electric spear, which was heavy in my hands, and led the Ares children straight for the drakon.

“Ares, to me!” I screamed, gathering ‘my’ campers around me.

Behind me, I heard Annabeth, Percy and Chiron yelling. In the corners of my eyes, I saw Chiron’s centaurs rallying. But I didn’t focus on that, I focused on circling the drakon, stabbing wherever I could with the magic spear. A pang of regret filled me as I saw the drakon whip round and knock two chariots over with its tail, but the campers leapt to their feet and charged at the drakon as if it were merely baby hell-hound. I tried to stay directly in front of the drakon, giving the others a fair chance to fight it while I kept its attention.

I stabbed the spear at its face, trying to poke it into an eye, but after only a few moments, the drakon lost interest, spinning around and snapping up a camper in one gulp. I muffled a scream as if knocked aside another and sprayed poison at a third.

This was my fault. They were dying because of me. I had to stop this now. If I didn’t stop it, everyone would be dead. I felt as if my fear was radiating off me and into the crowd, but I didn’t stop. If I wasn’t going to defeat this monster, then I was as good as useless. I would kill the drakon or die trying.

“ARES!” I yelled, levelling my spear and charging in a last desperate attempt, straight at the drakon. The drakon stared down at me and everything seemed to freeze. The golden eyes of the drakon pierced my skull and I couldn’t move. It’s jaws opened, seemingly in slow motion, and venom arched gracefully through the air, right into my face.

I screamed, a burning agony coating my skin. It felt like molten lava had been poured all over my skin. I felt the ground crush into my side as I hit the hard concrete, but my vision was blurry and white, and my head was ringing.

After a few… moments? Hours? … I was aware of my – Clarisse’s – armour being pulled off my body. I tried to see the blurry face above me, but all I could make out were two big brown eyes. Warm drops of water I sensed were tears fell into my face, and I thought I heard someone yell something along the lines of, “WHY?”

But I wasn’t sure who the voice belonged to. Suddenly, the face disappeared, and above the ringing in my ears, I heard shouts and roars but I couldn’t move or see or hear. I strained to turn my head, and I caught sight of someone in armour charging straight at the drakon. Another camper was about to die because of me. I was almost glad the drakon had spat deadly venom in my face, at least I wouldn’t harm anyone else. Then the drakon collapsed into itself and dissolved, leaving a burning image of the camper who had defeated it implanted in my mind.

The camper – whoever it was – ran to my side, and I left my head being lifted and placed into someone’s lap. My hair was stroked out of my face, and more burning tears fell onto my face. I could just barely hear a voice over the ringing in my ears.

“What were you thinking?”

I stared up into teary brown eyes, and realised it was Clarisse – actual real Clarisse had come to save us. I tried to answer, but my lips felt so cracked and dry. “Wouldn’t . . . listen. Cabin would . . . only follow you.”

“So you stole my armour. You waited until Chris and I went out on patrol, you stole my armour and pretended to be me.” Clarisse’s voice turned hard and angry as she glanced around at her siblings. “And NONE of you noticed?”

I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes. Why was she angry? I just wanted to stop the anger, stop the fight, fix everything. “Don’t blame them. They wanted to . . . to believe it was you.”

“You stupid Aphrodite girl,” Clarisse’s voice was punctuated with sobs. “You charged a drakon. Why?”

For once, Clarisse’s insults washed completely through me. Why had I charged the drakon? To stop the war, and if that failed, to make sure I never hurt anyone again. To… to die. The thought made more tears prick the corners of my eyes. I realised Clarisse was still waiting for an answer. Suddenly everything seemed so heavy, and I just wanted to tell her everything. “All my fault. The drakon, Charlie’s death . . . camp endangered-”

“Stop it!” Clarisse interrupted harshly. “That’s not true.”

I felt something cold and smooth on my wrist and shifted my hand, making the small silver charm fall into my palm. Slowly, I unclenched my fist and showed Clarisse the silver charm of Kronos, letting a picture explain what my words couldn’t.

A new voice spoke, coldly and sorrowfully and pitying at the same time. “You were the spy.”

I stared beyond Clarisse’s still-blurry image, and saw Percy’s sea-green eyes staring back. I tried to nod, but even the small incline of my head hurt.

Each word hurt, physically and emotionally, but I owed them all an explanation. “Before – before I liked Charlie, Luke was nice to me. He was so – charming. Handsome. Later, I wanted to stop helping, but he threatened to tell. He promised . . . he promised I was saving lives. Fewer people would get hurt. He told me he wouldn’t hurt – Charlie. He lied to me.”

In my mind’s eye I saw Luke’s cheerful but crooked smile, his cold but sparkling eyes. It all seemed so… so fake now. Clarisse’s face turned up towards people whose faces I couldn’t focus on. “Go, help the centaurs. Protect the doors. GO!”

I felt my breath catch in my throat, and a new wave of pain washed over my skin. “Forgive me.”

Clarisse shook her head slowly. “You’re not dying.”

“Charlie…” I realised, staring beyond them, up to the burning sun and clear blue sky. “See Charlie…”

I could see him again. I could be happy again. I had chosen my death, I was leaving everything behind in a trail of destruction.

But maybe it was what the fates had planned all along?

The last thing I saw were two kind grey eyes and my vision went black.

Then everything stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. That was the last chapter. Once again, tell me what you think.
> 
> In summery - I mean, yeah, Selina does kind of choose her death, but at the same time she doesn't? At least she's happy with Charlie in the afterlife now.
> 
> I'm so sorry for doing this to my favourite daughter of Aphrodite, love you Selina <3

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!!


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